Plans and nerves

Today was my last day at work for a couple of weeks Tomorrow starts my official vacation. I’ll be out of work until December 11 if everything goes okay. My hub and I will take tomorrow to get everything ready for a trip to California to visit family. I’m nervous of course, and am praying for a safe and lovely trip. I have lots to do – first of all I’m going to church with my sister – prior to that tho, I hope to have at least one load of three washes done plus cleaning out the fridge. Then it’ll be packing – less is more when it comes to packing. I do want to take Faolan’s jacket that he left back in the summer – its getting cold in Costa Mesa now. My favorite niece will be staying at the house while we’re away. She’ll feed the doggies and Sean’s plant and keep things going. I’ll be making a meatloaf for her and maybe some mashed potatoes.

Sean & I just talked to our son, Keenan. It was a lovely conversation. We don’t talk that often on the phone – we text and email often – Keenan agrees that talking on the phone can be awkard – especially for me. My attention span isn’t what it used to be and I get side-tracked easily. For instance, we were talking about visiting the Winchester House in San Jose when suddenly I was deep in a discussion of Richard Matheson who wrote Hell House and other stories that I totally love. Then I was side-tracked by the mini-series “Rose Red” by Stephen King. Keenan finally said, “Mom, we need to get back to our converation.” I laughed and said, “yes, we do.”

We think about our sons every day. We miss them and hope and pray that they are well and content. Not seeing them is difficult at times and I am comforted that they are getting along in the world and making their way. When I left home at age 19 for Washington, DC, I can’t imagine how my mother felt. At the time I thought that her main feeling would be relief that I was away from home – we argued often as I struggled my way into adulthood. Little did I know that real adulthood would remain elusive for a few more years. Our relatioship would be challenging for several more years. By the time of her death, my mother and I had reached a point in our relationship where mutual respect had developed – we were both women and we could be friends as well as mother/daughter. After her death, I regretted not finding out more about her life as a girl, a young woman and a mother to such a brood. I found out after that she played baseball in high school and was the pitcher. I should have known that already – its such a little thing but it made me sad that I only learned of it after she was gone. What else did I not know about her that made her a person? I do not have regrets about our mother/daughter relationship though. We had the mutual respect and care, love actually. I do miss her every day and wish that she had been there for the many milestones in my family as well as our larger family – my sisters and brothers. I’m sure she is watching from the next world, cheering us on.

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