Staying the course?

Do I have what it takes to be a zombie? I believe I do: I’m dependable, loyal, dedicated, tenacious, willing to go beyond the ordinary. The only issue would be my physical abilities. I have no cartilege in my left knee, a torn rotator cuff in my right shoulder, and I’m generally out of shape from goofing off all summer and living mainly on oreos and cheese quesadillas. Sure they’re tasty but they really don’t provide much nutrition. So I’m a little pudgy and I get winded easily. That may impact my running ability for chasing victims. Also, I’m not really much of a meat eater even though we all went paleo when we joined CrossFit in 2012. I’ve tried over the years to enjoy pork and beef but I do much better with chicken & fish. Red meat is a little disgusting to me. I think the biggest drawback to zombieism is the requirement that the victims not have any brains – edible or otherwise. Every zombie movie that we’ve see is populated with young unskilled, inexperienced, mostly good-looking kids that have no idea that their lives are in danger and that they are nothing more than dinner for some itinerant reanimated corpse. And therein lies the rub: to become a zombie one must be bitten by another zombie that saps him or her of life; they join the undead, a condition in which the victim is neither alive or dead and whose sole purpose, apparently, is to search out other victims to infect. And so, this reminder is enough for me to elect not to pursue a zombie lifestyle as I enjoy life and love too much to let it go. Observing my puppy, Joe, sleeping on his back, ears splayed, is a beautiful thing.


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